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Unitarian Universalist Society of Fairhaven "Saving the World in Groups of Ten" Rev. Ann C. Fox |
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Why do you come to church? Most people answer this question on surveys with, "I come to be intellectually stimulated and spiritually uplifted and to be in community with liked-minded people." Theologians call this the search for ultimacy and intimacy, which are the spiritual and emotional aspects of being known-truly known. Intellectual stimulation and spiritual upliftment can often be found in Sunday services. But the community aspect of being known is not as easy because this requires that we get to know two to six people well. If a person loves to do things on a committee, oooh are we glad and at least that person gets to know the people on the committee at least a little bit. But, not everyone wants to be on a committee. We are hesitant to press new people for fear that this may not be the reason for which they came to our church and we do not want them to feel burned out when they have come here for so much more! Many of us try very hard in coffee hour after the service to engage newcomers in conversation so that they will feel welcome. Many churches I have belonged to had something called Circle Suppers where one night a month, many, if not most, of the congregation signed up to go to a potluck dinner at someone's home. Each month, we were assigned to a different person's home with a different mix of people. These were very enjoyable but we only got to know one another on a superficial level. One year, I decided that I would ask my guests at all my dinner parties if they would be willing to answer a question or two. They were always willing. I used a book called The Book of Questions. I well remember that one question was "If you found a paper bag under a park bench stuffed with thousands of dollars, what would you do and why?" Each person answered. There was much laughter and also some serious discussion of values. We got to know one another on a different level from the usual dinner table conversations. I believe that the reason for this was because we shared with others what we felt to be true and we listened to the thoughts of others on the same topic. Suppers at my house were very popular. I can only imagine how we would have come to know one another if we had met more often in this manner. Is it possible that we think we know one another in a congregation like ours and yet 95% of the people do not know much of our life story and practically nothing about the beliefs of our hearts? Is it possible that when we come to die, not a single person outside of our family actual knows who we really are? I assure you that this can be true. A minister shared with us all at a General Assembly (which is our church's annual gathering) that when he attended the death bed of a member of his congregation, she told him that she had regretted never having shared her life story with any other person. Another member said that though he had been a member for over thirty years, he felt lonely because he hadn't a friend in the congregation; people were aghast for he was a highly respected person who had chaired many committees, including being the President of the Board. How can this possibly be? I am certain that both of these people were known in their church. But clearly they were not known in a way that was meaningful to them or in a way in which they expected to be known in a church. In many of our churches, people come in our doors and express interest in our beliefs. But after some time, they drift away. When we saw how the evangelical churches were growing, we looked at what they had that we didn't. They integrated people in a simple way where they came to know eight people very well by the end of four to six months and at the same time, they also experienced spiritual growth. These groups were called cells and they gathered together in groups of 8 to 12 people for the purpose of Bible study. It isn't so much what the group studies as the process by which they do it. We Unitarian Universalists have also begun such groups in 65% of our congregations and we call these groups Small Group Ministry or Covenant Groups. They gather around the content of our lives, or the topics of our lives. Allow me to draw for you a mental picture of what our groups are like. In your mind's eye, can you imagine a circle of 9 chairs. Sitting in those chairs are eight of us. The ninth chair is empty; it is waiting for the welcome guest-the new person who has come here looking for community, or the long-time member who wants to be better known. So we have eight people in a circle and one empty chair. The people are gathered. One person in the group is a facilitator who will help the group process and guide the discussion. In your mind's eye, imagine that the facilitator is lighting the chalice and saying some opening words. The group listens and ponders the words for a short while. Then the facilitator invites the group members to "check-in." This means that each one will share what is in his or her life right now. The group might decide that they will not interrupt anyone's sharing and just listen fully in an open-hearted manner. When everyone has shared, the facilitator will present the topic of the day. The topic might be greed, what has it meant in your life or in the way you see the world? The group will discuss it. When everyone has had his or her say, each person will "check out," saying where they are in their mind right now or what they liked about the meeting or what they wish for the next meeting. Finally, the facilitator says the closing words and extinguishes the chalice flame and we go our separate ways. Imagine if you were to do this with your group twice a month. Would you get to know a few people, who they are, what they think, and also consider deeply many aspects of life? Oh, yes, very definitely. And with the ever-present empty chair, we would also hold open the possibility of adding a new person to the group. When the group got too big, it could become two groups with and empty chair. Our churches that have Small Groups are growing steadily, inwardly and outwardly. But how do we save the world in groups of ten? When a group has been together for a while, we hope they will want to do something for the church, like ushering a few Sundays, could we dare hope for one whole month of ushering? The second thing we hope for is for the group to do something for the community once during the year. You see, our church could become too inward-looking, caring only for itself. When we do something for others, we in a way, save ourselves from self-focus and save the world with our work and sharing of ourselves. This is how we save the world in groups of ten. Our church is the only liberal denomination that is growing, but our growth is only one member per church per year on average, which means that over all the denomination grows by only 1,000 people per year. We can do so very much better than this. We can welcome and keep the people who come through our doors looking for a saving faith by inviting them to join our small groups if we create these groups. I have said in our newsletter that I believe small groups in our church will greatly enrich our congregational lives. I believe they will also help us grow and share our good news, the good news of the liberal faith, our seven principles and our unique sources from which we draw our inspiration. Our faith is a saving faith, one that is suited to so very many others if they only but knew who we really are. They can come to know us through the small groups that we form and to which we are faithful. Today, after the service, we are offering sample groups for you all to experience, at least as many of you as can and will stay. We are offering childcare for this purpose. Will you do this? Will you try this out at the very least just this once, just for the heck of it?!? We are ready to do this in the auditorium. You could get your drink in the Dining Room and bring it into the auditorium where sandwiches are waiting to forestall hunger, including for the children as well. How many of you, right now, are interested in attending a sample small group? How many of you will need childcare? Put up two hands for two children, please. If you are not able to attend the sample sessions, there is a card in your order of service for you to write in your availability to attend a group and you can drop it in the basket marked "Small Group Ministry Cards" on the coffee table in the Dining Hall. Let our good news of our faith be broadcast well. May we all join a small group and save this world in groups of ten. Addendum: Three sample group sessions were held following this service. Now, we have established three groups that meet twice a month on Monday, Tuesday, and Thursday evenings. A few people are on the waiting list to join a group that meets at the time they are free. If you wish to join a Small Group, please fill in a card that is in a basket in the hallway. We'll pick it up from there and contact you. May you find true Community here! Blessings, Ann |
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