Rev.
Ann C. Fox
(508) 992-7081
minister@uufairhaven.org
Unitarian Universalist
Society of Fairhaven
Loving Kindness
a sermon on Mother’s Day
a sermon by Rev. Ann C. Fox
May 13, 2007
Note: A reading is attached, which you might like to read first.
Henry James said, “Three things in human life are important. The first is to be kind. The second is to be kind. The third is to be kind.” If my mother had not been so kind towards us, I would not think so kindly of her now. She wasn’t kind all the time, but she was often kind. I believe that kindness is part of the nurturing process that shapes us. Since this is Mother’s Day, I might share with you some “one-liners” that a friend sent to me. These are from elementary school children:
Why did God make mothers?
Answer: To help us out of there when we
were getting born.
What ingredients are mothers made of? Answer: God makes mothers out of clouds and angel hair and everything nice in the world and one dab of mean.
Getting back to kindness: sages and scriptures throughout the ages have counseled us to be kind. Theologian Emmanuel Swedenborg wrote, “Kindness is an inner desire…” In other words, we are “wired” for it. Do you agree? Most Unitarian Universalists are reported to say that “humankind is basically good,” which says to me that most UUs believe that we are wired for kindness.
The Buddha believed that kindness, or “loving-kindness,” is the key to a happy life as an individual and its practice towards others would radically change the world. He tells us that if we want one teaching to guide us, it should be the teaching of loving kindness. The Dalai Lama is an embodiment of this teaching. Now there is a happy human being! When you think of the Dalai Lama, do you think of him as smiling? I have rarely seen him not smiling or laughing heartily. And you heard in the reading this morning the quote from the Dalai Lama, “My true religion is kindness.”
In a “Question Box” sermon some months ago, one of you asked me “What are the major beliefs of Buddhism?” I responded that “suffering” is a given in life and following the eight-fold path is the way to be free of suffering. Afterwards, I wished I had said that the central teaching of Buddhism is loving-kindness. Without loving kindness, a Buddhist who is ardently doing right thinking, having right employment, working on right speech, and so on cannot free him or herself from suffering without practicing loving-kindness.
The term “loving-kindness” is a translation of “metta,” an ancient Pali word that is rich in meaning. (Pali was the language of the Buddha.) Most of us would think that loving-kindness counsels us to be kind to others. It does, but the first practice of loving kindness is towards the self. Buddhism teaches that suffering is first and foremost part of our inward processes of self-criticism, shame, and separation from others by this or by illness.
Buddhist teacher, Sharon Salzberg tells a story of when she went to an ecumenical meeting of Buddhists that the Dalai Lama had gathered. There were people there from India, Southeast Asia, China, Korea, and Japan, and also many westerners following various traditions. Over the centuries, all of the countries had devised their own devotional chants. In true ecumenical spirit, the Dalai Lama invited each of the sects to do chants in their own language. A Canadian monk and an American nun were scheduled to chant together. The monk was unable to attend and so the nun was alone. When her time came, Sharon felt deeply for her being alone in such a gathering of her peers. The nun chanted hesitatingly and in some places forgot the words or said wrong ones. Sharon could feel the nun’s embarrassment and shame and how disconnected from the group she must feel. At the end of all the chanting The Dalai Lama thanked the groups and he ended by especially thanking the nun who had chanted alone. He said that it reminded him of the time when he had to chant the heart sutra alone and he was so nervous that he forgot the words and he thinks he made up his own heart sutra. And then he burst into laughter and so did everyone. When the nun came over to Sharon afterwards, she noticed that the nun looked radiant and joyful. The Dalai Lama’s words of kindness had brought her back into the fold of self-acceptance and group acceptance so that she could feel connected with the group again. (from The Force of Kindness by Sharon Salzberg, pp. 12-13) This is the great teaching: The acceptance of others, triggers their acceptance of self; the acceptance of self, leaves you free to accept others. Forgiving and accepting yourself, connects you again with others. How important it is to accept one another!
When anger, resentment, envy, sadness, fear and so on creep into our mind and occupy our thoughts, our task is to note clearly the state of mind, ask ourselves, why am I angry, resentful, envious, and so on, and inquire into the cause. Then we can let it go and come back to the present moment. This is the next step: to let go of wandering thoughts so that we can be in the present moment. This is the practice of “mindfulness” about which we hear so much.
It is not so easy to self-forgive but we must work on it so as not to get stuck in guilt. If we have hurt someone and find it hard to forgive ourselves, the traditional Buddhist teaching is to remind oneself of the good that we have done. (Of course, it is important to try to repair the damage we may have done and apologize if possible.) If we become too absorbed in the self, it is hard to meet the needs of others. (Salzberg, 20-21)
The Buddha called these practices the Middle Way, that is, we should avoid the extreme of over indulgence and getting lost in the world’s temptations and excessive materialism and also the extreme of being too ascetic—that is, denying any enjoyment. Coming to a more neutral place can help us to be aware of reality, not be idealistic or yet pessimistic, but know what is real so that we may act accordingly. As we practice loving kindness towards ourselves and others and also practice present mindedness we are more able handle the difficult things in our lives. When things happen that are painful to us, we can be more able to help ourselves when we can inquire into it.
A practice that can be very helpful to us to open our hearts and connect us to the oneness, or God if you like, is the practice of self blessing. If we are suffering because of emotional or physical pain, these are some of the self blessings that can help us:
May I have peace of mind.
May I have physical well-being.
May I be connected to the oneness.
Repeating these blessings can have a beneficial effect on our body/mind, especially if we do it over and over. Giving these suggestions to one’s psyche can be powerful and life changing. Just reading books and articles on the practice of mindfulness and loving-kindness and listening to tapes or CDs on these subjects can also be very beneficial. But being deliberate about practicing loving-kindness is the best of all! Scheduling a day for loving kindness practice in meditation and activities towards others would be powerful indeed. For example, you might sign up to do duty at the Shepherd’s pantry or the Soup Kitchen and have a blessing of “may you be well, may you be happy” constantly on your mind and lips that day. Let me end with some blessings. I’ll be silent after each one so that you can repeat it in your mind if you wish:
May I have ease of well being.
May I have mental well being.
May I have the capacity to practice loving kindness
May I have the capacity to practice mindfulness, present momentness.
May all beings be well.
May all beings be happy.
May there be greater and greater peace in the world.
So may this all be!
Reading from The Force of Kindness by
Sharon Saltzberg, Bolder, CO: Sounds True, 2005
Kindness is ‘compassion in action.’ It is a way of taking the vital human emotions of empathy or sympathy and channeling those emotions into a real-life confrontation with ruthlessness, abandonment, thoughtlessness…[and] all the myriad ways, every single day, we find ourselves suffering or witnessing suffering in others….(Page 5)
A commitment to kindness can be the thread that twines throughout our various successes, disappointments, delights, and traumas…giving us a ballast in a world of change, a reservoir of heartfulness to infuse our choices, our relationships, and our reactions. (Page 6)
The quality of kindness gives us the ability to take abstract ideals like compassion, or ‘love thy neighbor,’ and make them authentic…each and every day….I think this spirit underlies one of His Holiness the Dalai Lama’s most famous quotations: “My true religion is kindness.” (Page 8)
© The Rev. Ann C. Fox