2009 SERMON LIST

Rev. Ann C. Fox
(508) 992-7081
RevAnnFox@aol.com

Unitarian Universalist
Society of Fairhaven

Julia Ward Howe—Renaissance Mother

a Mothers Day sermon by Rev. Ann C. Fox

May 10, 2009

Note: A  reading is attached, which you might like to read first

           Once more we have the opportunity to honor our mother or mother substitute and also to examine our complex relationship to our mothers and motherhood. How was motherhood for you? Or, how was your relationship to your mother? I’ve always thought my own mother did the best she could with the gifts she had. I wonder whether my own children think similarly. Maybe I shouldn’t ask?! If you asked your mother whether or not she’d have children if she had it to do over again, perhaps she’d say, “Yes, but not the same ones!” (Just kidding!) At least Mother’s Day gives the kids the opportunity to make Mom feel special, even if only for one day.

           Last Sunday, a Standard Times article advised giving mother a gift of time. The author quoted one writer as saying, “Forget diamonds and rubies. Hours and minutes are the most valuable gifts…” Julia Ward Howe is possibly the most famous mother in Unitarian history. Her many children would probably agree that Julia, too, was short of what they called “PT,” or Precious Time. Julia often said to them, “I must have my “Precious Time.” I was impressed that Julia knew clearly what she needed the most—precious time to herself, though it was a struggle for her to get it once the children were part of her life.

           Julia was born into a wealthy New York family on May 27, 1819, the fourth of seven children. Her mother died giving birth at the age of 27 years. Julia was 5 years old. Her father raised them in his strict Calvinist Episcopal tradition, which Julia would later think oppressive and turn instead to Unitarianism with its idea of a loving God. Although her father confined his daughters to the home, he hired the finest tutors for them. Julia was academically and musically gifted. “Instead of playing with dolls, she wrote poetry and played the piano.” (Ziegler, p. 15) So seriously did she regard her studies that she tied herself to her chair until she had completed the work she had set for herself that day. Samuel Ward allowed his daughter to associate only with the extended family who lived on the same street and well chosen dinner guests. He dominated their every move. Julia longed to associate with others but she had to wait until two years after her father’s death, as was the mourning period in those days.

           Julia finally freed herself from the dour religion of her father when she read in her studies, “And is he not also the God of the Japanese?” (from an essay by Matthias Claudius). No longer afraid of going to hell, Julia threw herself into accepting invitation to parties. She and her sisters (sometimes called the Three Graces on Bond Street) were exceptionally beautiful but Julia became famous for her wit, charm and exceptional intelligence. She attracted many suitors. They began calling her Diva Julia, or simply The Diva.

           She attracted a famous doctor from Boston, Samuel Gridley Howe, who was also a war hero and the director of the Perkins Institute for the Blind.  A handsome, gifted man, he was attracted to Julia’s beauty and her intellectual and musical gifts. They married in 1843. Julia already had some volumes of her poetry ready for publication. She was dismayed to find that her husband firmly believed that “though he delighted in Julia’s wit and poetry, he believed that after marriage she should be devoted to him, not to literary endeavors. He would entertain no thoughts of Julia pursuing the publishing career she yearned for…” (Ziegler, p. 27) She had married a man as controlling as her father. But, Julia did persuade Sam to at least let her use the name of Mrs. Julia Ward Howe instead of Mrs. Samuel Gridley Howe, as was the custom! Julia began writing dark and brooding poems about her unexpected oppressive marriage.

           I wonder whether you know how your own mother was known. The traditional way through the 1960’s was for a woman to be known by her husband’s name alone. The record of Officer and Committee Members in this church in 1963  show women on committees as Mrs. Norman Hayes, Mrs. Earle Harrop, Mrs. John Morgan, Mrs. Preston Gifford, and so on. I wonder whether their actual names are listed anywhere at all? I think not. It was remarkable in Julia’s day for a woman to claim her own name. What’s in a name? It means more to some women than others. I find that some young women I marry want to be announced only as Mr. and Mrs. Samuel Smith. When I asked one young bride why she wanted that she responded that she wanted to honor her husband. He responded that he wanted to honor her. But he let it go. (The feminist part of me couldn’t help thinking “Don’t you know there was a women’s movement?!” Ah, well.) The arm of history and tradition is long indeed.

           Julia and Sam began their marriage with a long tour of Europe. Julia became pregnant. Her first child was born in Rome and she called her daughter Julia Romana. Sam was so delighted that he did not notice Julia’s melancholia both before and after the birth. A therapist today would know that Julia suffered intensely with pre- and postpartum depression.

            Sam was a great celebrity in Europe. In London, they visited the home of the Nightingale family. Their daughter, Florence Nightingale, sought advice from the good doctor about her desire to become a nurse. He advised her to go ahead. Julia was not pleased that she should be so restricted and yet he encouraged another woman to follow her dream.

            When they returned to life in Boston, Julia was even more isolated since the Perkins Institute was quite far from Boston and Sam worked very long hours. Julia filled her hours with study and writing letters to her sisters, counseling and cautioning them about marriage. She set her mind upon giving up her life to the will of her husband—at least she tried. Sam dictated how the children were to be raised. The two fell into a bickering relationship that would plague their entire married life.

            Julia had three more children with melancholia following her each time. Her letters and poems told of the ambivalence she experienced about motherhood and its demands. It seemed to her “a prison.” However, Julia’s children do not recall her unhappiness but that she was a witty, playful, and attentive mother who must have sufficient PT—Precious Time to herself. They recalled that their father also participated in games, picnics, plays, and songs. Clearly, their relationship was difficult between them but they also clearly loved and enjoyed their children.

            What do you think of this ambivalence towards motherhood? Is it possible that our some of our mothers loved us very much but also felt they had no life of their own? Perhaps our generation is very fortunate in that there is no shame in sending the children to preschool. (Sometimes it is a financial necessity.) I must say that although I loved motherhood, I yearned for time for myself. I remember the day when I joined the American Association of University Women’s Book Club—my first time away from the children and I read the first book since they had been born. By the time my own children were 2-1/2 and 4 years, I had put them in a Montessori school while I went back to teaching. Since we lived very frugally, I can’t say I worked out of necessity. I do understand Julia’s frustration and I didn’t have all of her talents to express.

           I think that my own mother was ambivalent about the great sacrifice that motherhood required. She, too, returned to work when I was 5 years old. One joke on the Internet says, "The hand that rocks the cradle usually is attached to someone who isn't getting enough sleep." So true!

            The relationship between Julia and Sam must have been strained to the limit, because he agreed for her to take the two younger children to Europe, leaving him with the two older ones. They were apart for two years. Although Julia’s letters do not reveal this, it is clear to me that she went away so as not to get pregnant again. Pregnancy was a real fear and a problem for couples in those days and indeed until fairly recently. Leo and I were musing the other day that when we were young, we were sexually responsible—usually through abstinence—because of the fear of pregnancy! The birth control pill came out only in the 1970’s.

            While in Europe, Julia found her voice again and produced a great amount of poetry. She also found a congenial person to share it with. Sam was not anxious for Julia to return but he finally relented. Within another year, Julia had another child! She published books of poetry without Sam’s permission. He was greatly embarrassed and angry for many of the poems were about him. At least their friends and family would recognize him in them though he was never named.

            Sam was deeply involved in the abolition of slavery. Julia, too, became involved. At least it was something they could share. Julia had yet another child. This must have been the time when they became active in the Unitarian church for Julia wrote diary entries about the sermons of Theodore Parker, the Unitarian minister who drew crowds of 3,000+ to his theatre ‘church” on Sundays to hear his 3-hour sermons! (Rejoice and be glad for the length of our sermons!)

            If Julia was interested in the abolition of slavery, it was only a matter of time for her to become interested in women’s suffrage and then, later, interested in world peace. She began writing essays and speeches on all these things. She became active in founding the Unitarian Women’s Alliance and many other women’s clubs. Julia had found extensive expression for her voice in the public sphere. She also gave talks on philosophy and was asked to preach in many Unitarian churches. She told her daughter that “The Unitarian church in Newport was second in her heart only to the Unitarian Church of the Disciples in Boston.” (Richards & Elliott, p. 56) On September 28, 1879, she wrote in her diary, “My sermon at the Unitarian Church in Newport—a most unexpected crowd came to hear me.” In other places she speaks of all the famous people in Boston, including Ralph Waldo Emerson. By this time Sam had died. Julia resumed her public speaking and she published in earnest for the next 30 years.

            Nowadays, Julia is known mostly for the famous words she wrote as the Battle Hymn of the Republic to the tune of John Brown’s Body, which she had heard the Civil War troops singing. Here are three of the six verses:

Mine eyes have seen the glory of the coming of the Lord:
He is trampling out the vintage where the grapes of wrath are stored;
He hath loosed the fateful lightning of His terrible swift sword:
His truth is marching on.

(Chorus) Glory, glory, hallelujah!
Glory, glory, hallelujah!
Glory, glory, hallelujah!
His truth is marching on.

I have seen Him in the watch-fires of a hundred circling camps,
They have builded Him an altar in the evening dews and damps;
I can read His righteous sentence by the dim and flaring lamps:
His day is marching on.                       Chorus

In the beauty of the lilies Christ was born across the sea,
With a glory in His bosom that transfigures you and me:
As He died to make men holy, let us die to make men free,
While God is marching on.                  Chorus

           While this is what she is remembered for, she was so very much more.

           Julia must have inspired all her daughters to write and passed on her great abilities to them, for they all became writers. They wrote mostly about their parents and their extended family.

            Our mothers may not have had Julia’s unusual talents, but certainly they must have had some of her struggles. Julia Ward Howe is to be remembered as an inspiration to us all and also an example of a well-meaning mother who also wanted a life for herself. May we honor motherhood and substitute mothers everywhere.

References

Richards, Laura E. & Elliott, Maud Howe. Julia Ward Howe, Vol II, Boston: Houghton Mifflin Company, 1916.

Ziegler, Valarie H. Diva Julia: The Public Romance and Private Agony of Julia Ward Howe, Harrisburg: Trinity Press International, 2003.

A Reading

from Diva Julia by Valarie H. Ziegler 

           As Julia commenced her considerations of war and peace, she posed this question: Why did men persist in settling political disagreements violently? She also wondered what she, a woman lacking the right to vote, could do about it. Feeling both politically marginal and morally outraged, she began to re-imagine—once again—what it meant to be a woman. She said:

            “During the first two thirds of my life, I looked to the masculine idea of character as the only true one. I sought its inspiration, and referred my merits and demerits to its judicial verdict. In an unexpected hour a new light came to me, showing me a world of thought and of character quite beyond the limits within which I had hitherto been content to abide. The new domain now made clear to me was that of true womanhood—woman no longer in her ancillary relation to her opposite, man, but in her direct relation to the divine plan and purpose, as a free agent, fully sharing with man every human right and every human responsibility….”

        Julia was not alone in her thinking; many others would use similar arguments to defend women’s rights….As she further considered the role of the true woman, Julia concluded that the moral sublimity of motherhood reached beyond the confines of the home….she argued that mothers were naturally inclined toward peace….But…she suggested, as no prominent peace reformer before her had, that the maternal instinct was fundamental to the nature of God. God, she contended, was both mother and father, and in a very real sense the maternal side of the divine was superior to the paternal side. [pp115-116]

© The Rev. Ann C. Fox

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